Don't Read, Non Soccer Fans.

Because, and only because..

The lucky cunts in red dived their way to the title, and I'm partly pissed because of the late draw of Bolton-- and the magnificently agitating neon orange of Cech's new kit. Swear a couple of headaches walked on by after a glance or two. Our new kit is hideous, losing is ugly-- and Terry dislocating his elbow at this time (ten days before Champions League final, come on lad) is right up in that drawer with the likes of.. say, Anderson of United. I could've said Sulley Muntari, but I said Anderson. Because he looks like a baby with dreadlocks. What's worse is Manchester City capitulating to Middlesbrough 8-1-- but Alves, my God.. Alfonso Alves. Beautiful game, yet I'd skip the highlights because I wouldn't want to catch Gareth Southgate.. smiling. Do you know how paralyzing it is? Bucktoothed chap. Skip the Sunday blues-- on with the transfer talks. And yes, my papers today went sour. I don't want to talk about it. The Devil lad chanted his club's song-- catchy as shit, but still, I couldn't skip the shout: "Shut up or I'll break your leg. But I'll visit you." I am nice. There are proof somewhere.. lost. Ha! Right. Transfer talk! The Blues are ditching Anelka (please Messi, please!) and have our billionaire eyes on Quaresma of Porto. Personally.. I'd love for that Torres-almost lad in Atletico Madrid or why.. who else but Messi. And that highly idiotic bid for Ramos? Yes. Brilliant youth, versatile as your mother, defensive or in midfield. But eighty million pounds? Come on. I'd donate some to the Gunners so they could snap up David Villa. Because I am nice. But since it's not happening, ha-- suck on that! And more paper talk: Blues won Jose Bosingwa. Is this that lad with the unibrow? Edit: Oh my Lord, it is! How the fuck am I going to hold back my tweezers for an entire season? What the fuck is this! When are we going to get decent looking chaps in here? Michael's getting married so, he's off limits now (as if he was yesterday, but leave me be). Whatever it is, I'm a fungus infection in the making and a shower shall proceed. A nice, warm one. Oh yes. Blues fans, chin up! We ain't dead yet.

[MUSIC] Tokyo Police Club - Tessellate

I sound like a man. And that's a new from the Police Club chaps. Prayers for the captain, John-- for his fitness on the Moscow finale. Because as much as I adore (not) Juliano, Alex and-- well, that's about it, really.. they suck without John. And the new Stereogum mix is lovely! Jose Bosingwa the unibrow chap: here. Sorry about that.